I’m Not Looking For a Boaz — and That’s Ok.

I was invited to a Bible study this evening, and the discussion turned to the story of Ruth and Boaz. The teacher went from sharing the story to preaching about women who are “bitter” and “don’t want a relationship.”

Cue the submissive, be-his-peace speech. As if men are walking around radiating peace for us to bask in. 🙄

Then came the line that really had me done: “When you are unattractive to God, you will be unattractive to man.”

Excuse me, what?

I sat there, irritated. Why won’t people just let some of us women be single in peace? Why is happiness only valid if it comes with a man attached?

The truth is, I have never felt more at peace than I do right now. And I know for a fact that every bit of anguish I’ve ever experienced—every sleepless night, every moment of emotional exhaustion—was either because I didn’t have a man or because the ones who entered my life brought nothing but turmoil.

So, I made a decision: I wanted to be free. Free from emotional entanglements that drain me. Free to live life on my own terms. Free to walk this journey with God—just God—and not be constantly bombarded with conversations about marriage and submission.

Why is singleness treated like a curse? Why is community never the alternative to a relationship? Why is it that when we talk about partnership, it’s always about submitting to a man—but never about the parts where he’s supposed to protect, cherish, and nourish her?

After the study, I sent a polite but firm text:

“Thank you for inviting me, but I don’t think this Bible study is for me. I’m not looking for a Boaz. I’ve come to a place where I am content, and my husband really is God. I have more peace in my life than I ever have. Wishing you all the best with your Bible study. God Bless you.”

And that was that.

This is one of the many reasons church can be frustrating. Instead of preparing women for Jesus’ return (and all the signs these days point to it), they’re too busy preparing us for marriage. But here’s the thing—they don’t teach us to understand a man’s nature, his patterns, his habits. They just tell us to find a man of God and submit.

But I’m good on that.

So, to the women out there living their best, peaceful, unapologetically single lives—know this: Your wholeness isn’t measured by your relationship status. You don’t need to be searching for Boaz if you’ve already found peace within yourself.

Whether or not a single woman chooses to seek a Boaz is her decision, and that choice deserves respect.

Let’s talk about it. Book a free appointment.